We’ve probably tried out AI tools like ChatGPT by now. Maybe they helped us write essays or summaries for work, helped us plan our holidays, or just for fun tried out answers to silly questions we asked while hanging out with friends. But recently, we’ve noticed people turning to chatbots for dating advice and help with dating apps.
A survey of 2,000 people by Flirtini found that a surprisingly large number of people have tried it: “Around 50% have asked a chatbot like ChatGPT for dating advice, and 55% have used AI to generate messages to send to a crush. Similarly, 46% have used a chatbot to practice flirting, and 40% have used the technology to hone their sexting skills,” the report said.
So I thought: Can an AI really help me write my Bumble profile? Or even help me write a thoughtful, intriguing first message to someone? So I decided to give it a try.
Using ChatGPT, we asked people to create an online dating profile for an app that limits profiles to 300 characters. The prompt read, “Can you write a 300-character dating profile? Also mention that you like dogs, travel (you recently went to Egypt), red wine, and board games.”
The chatbot responded: “I'm a dog lover, travel lover (just got back from an amazing trip to Egypt!), red wine enthusiast, and someone who enjoys quiet evenings with a good board game and great company. I'm looking for someone who shares the same passions as me and is ready to go on a new adventure together. Let's make memories and laugh a lot!”
As you can see, the first half of the response was just a repeat of what I wrote, and the second half was pretty generic (i.e. something that would make someone want to message you). So far, I'm not impressed.
Give opening messages a try. ChatGPT asked, “Can you create an opening message to send to someone on a dating app? Your profile says, 'Engineer by day, concerts, basketball, Mexican restaurants by night. Won't accept a Starbucks order until you share something equally embarrassing.'”
The reply was, “Engineering by day and going to concerts by night is a great balance. Do you have any shows coming up?”
This isn't a bad conversation starter because it takes advantage of a unique feature in your profile. But, if you ask me, the real “message bait” in this profile is the Starbucks order. And they'll love being asked about it after you've shared your “embarrassing” confession. A better opening message might be something like this: “Since I'm so curious about this Starbucks order, I'll admit that my favorite movie nights include heavily buttered popcorn and badly acted horror movies. So can you tell me now?”
I kept trying these ideas, but with the same results. My conclusion about AI-generated profiles and messages is that no one knows you better than you do, especially no robot.
A good profile should be specific and full of message bait that sets you apart from the rest. Going back to the example we used with the ChatGPT-generated profile, mentioning your favorite board game, your go-to wine bar, or what trips would make packing fun would make a much more interesting profile. Plus, all that filler at the end of the AI profile could be used much better to list a few more of your interests.
Meanwhile, in your opening message, try to pick out something from their profile and ask them a question about it, as mentioned above.
Not everyone is good at writing…especially writing about themselves. But if you're looking for help, your best bet is to turn to a professional who can customize your profile and messaging for you. (Hello!) Not only do I help my clients with their profiles and messaging, I also provide feedback on photos, matching, planning dates, and anything else you need evidence-based advice on.
It would be great if dating was one size fits all, but as we all know, it isn't. So instead of turning to ChatGPT for dating advice, use it for travel planning and book reports.
(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, helping others navigate the intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Sign up for her newsletter for updates and tips at eepurl.com/dpHcH.)
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