Dear Abby: I don't understand why my mother keeps the last name of her ex-husband (stepfather), who sexually abused me and my sister as children. I found out when I finally told her when I was 10 years old. She stayed married to him for years, and my sister and I lived at home. It was hellish to keep that monster away from me.
My mother has dementia and I am her caregiver. I try to live a healthy and fulfilling life and relationships and protect my children from abuse. I try not to get angry, sad or hurt. I don't live with it every day. Am I too sensitive? — Indiana survivor
Dear Survivor: Oversensitive? I don't think so. Your feelings are normal, given the circumstances. I admire that you stood up and tried to make sure your mom was taken care of, even though your mom didn't do that for you.
As a victim of sexual abuse, you should have sought counseling years ago. If you haven't, you could greatly benefit from getting it now. To find the resources you need, visit RAINN, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. You can access the hotline online at rainn.org or by calling 800-656-4673 (toll free).
Dear Abby: Should I be upset with the father of my unborn child for not coming with me on an international trip? My cousin is getting married in Mexico, but my partner, “Gabriel,” isn't going because one of his best friends is getting married that same weekend.
I only recently found out I am pregnant and will be 5 months pregnant by the time my cousin's wedding comes around. My family plans to come with me, but they have already booked the flights and they are sold out, so I have to travel to Mexico alone while pregnant.
The night I found out I was pregnant, Gabrielle said she would go with me because she didn't want the mother of her unborn child to travel alone to a foreign country, but as the wedding drew closer she told me she no longer wanted to go because of the expense and the fact that she would miss her friends' weddings.
Abby, is it wrong to be upset that he doesn't want to go with me? I guess I'm more disappointed because I thought he would be protective in this situation, but it feels as though he's choosing his friends over us. I know I'm biased and emotional, but I want to try to stay calm and understand this. — California Trip Foreclosure
Dear Traveler: Forgive me for being harsh, but what you need to understand is that your partner is self-centered and more interested in having fun with his friends than he is in the soon-to-be mother of his child. This should be an indication of the kind of husband and father he will be if you plan to marry him.
That said, if your doctor says it's okay to travel, you shouldn't be at risk because your family will be there to watch over you. The independence you're showing now may be something you need in any future, with or without a partner.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
