Earlier this month, I received a creepy email from a stranger with the subject line, “Please check your Instagram inbox.”
The body of the email said, “Since you are a leading expert, could you please rate me?”
I immediately knew what it was — ad–k pic.
And lo and behold, lurking deep in my Instagram direct messages was the message, “Jana jana jana!!! Rate me lol because you're the guru,” accompanied by a graphic image of his genitals in a bathtub, water up to his knees, his hands proudly holding a skinny Woody Woodpecker between his legs. Oh, and his very distinctive leg tattoo. (Rookie mistake: never send nude photos with identifying details about yourself.)
It was all so strange, and so ordinary.
I had had enough of strangers sending me sexually explicit photos, especially from this creepy guy who even went to the effort of digging through my personal email. So I decided to take action.
Earlier this month, Jana Hocking received a creepy email from a stranger with the subject line: “Check your Instagram inbox.” WireImage
I clicked on his Instagram account and sure enough, it was a custom bike business account. Oh, and it even had his cell phone number. Winner!
I took a screenshot of his email and posted it to my Instagram with the caption, “So I looked… sure enough, it was an Adidas-ish photo. And yes, he tracked down my emails too. Feel free to send me a **middle finger emoji** (I tagged his full Instagram name here). Not today, Satan.”
I knew he'd be furious if he saw my post, and I expected a flurry of middle finger emojis from his followers, but what he did next infuriated me even more.
Hocking took a screenshot of his email and posted it to Instagram with the caption, “So I had a look and… yes, it's a promotional photo.” WireImage
Sure enough, within minutes he was sending me frantic direct messages begging me to remove the post, but the two words he kept repeating made it clear he didn't get the message.
Our exchange went like this:
Him: “Take it down.”
Then he sent me a video of his bank account. I'm not kidding.
Him: “I'm sorry, I'll make up for my stupidity.”
Him: “I thought you were a free spirit.”
Now, I need to explain a bit why his “free spirit” comment was so infuriating: This guy clearly had a lack of common sense and assumed that because I write sex-positive articles and advocate for people to embrace and explore their sexuality, it was totally okay for him to send me a picture of his penis without me asking. He flashed it at me without asking for my consent.
Now, back to the message…
Me: “How dare you send me something so disgusting.”
Him: “Oh, sorry.”
Me: “I didn't ask that.”
Him: “I didn't mean it like that.”
Him: “I thought you were a free spirit.”
“I thought you were a free spirit,” the messenger said. Jana Hocking
Hmmm…that “free spirit” excuse again. His case didn't really help at all. Enough, I thought. If he keeps using that excuse, I'll keep posting.
Him: “I'm sorry, I'll make up for my stupidity.”
Yes, dear reader, I believe he was trying to bribe to avoid public humiliation.
Me: “Never send a woman a picture of your penis.” (I really wanted to scare him here.)
Him: “Jana, I thought you were a free spirit.”
Him: “Okay!”
Me: “That's sexual harassment.” (Once again, I was indignant at the “free spirit” excuse.)
Him: “That's certainly true.”
Him: “Take it down.”
Him: “I'll make you pay for my stupidity.”
Him: “I always read your stories and thought you were a free spirit.”
He: “It was a huge mistake.”
Me: “I don't want compensation. I just want women to stop being harassed by perverts like you.”
Him: “I missed the Free Spirit memo.”
Him: “Jenna, I'm sorry I ruined your day. Please delete your story and I promise I'll never send you that message again!!!”
“Looking back, I was just a little tired, my hormones were out of whack, and my period was coming up, right? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not,” Hocking said. Instagram/@jana_hocking
Me: “But you keep saying ‘free spirit’, it’s not about being a ‘free spirit’, it’s about not wanting to be sexually harassed on your Instagram or through email.”
Him: “I'm being judged from a million miles away. I'm a business owner and this is going to ruin me. I'm only 24.”
Now, at this point I knew I was going to delete it, but I wanted to drive the message home so I replied with this:
Me: “If you apologize, you'll never send non-consensual dick pics to women again.”
Him: “I'm sorry. I'll never send non-consensual photos to a woman again.”
Me: “…and never contact me again, you damn pervert.”
Him: “Thanks and sorry, Jana.”
Me: “I'll delete and block you. Now get out.”
Him: “Thank you. It's a shame you don't know how much you've saved me and my business. Thank you. Thank you!!! Thank you!!!”
So I blocked him and deleted the post.
Thinking about it, maybe I was just a little tired, my hormones were out of balance, and my period was approaching? Yes. Do I regret it? Of course not.
So guys, please, can you please stop sending creepy unsolicited dicks to the women (strangers!!!) that you follow on Instagram?
Like I said before, they're not cute. They don't excite us. We don't want to see them.
And since you asked me to rate it, I'm publicly rating it here and now: a maximum of 3 out of 10. Oh, and your bathtub could use a good polish.
Jana Hocking is a columnist and boyfriend collector | @jana_hocking
