Dear Abby: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new neighborhood and became friends with a neighbor who impressed us so much by his kindness and generosity that when he found out I was unemployed, he used his influence to help me get a job at his company.
But at work, her neighbor revealed his manipulative, condescending, treacherous and spiteful nature, often reducing co-workers to tears with his foul-mouthed and violent tirades. It was a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After 10 years of his tyranny and a suicide attempt by a colleague who was mercilessly persecuted by him, I got a job in another company and then retired to another state, and since then he has been contacting me periodically saying that he misses us, neighbors and friends, and would like to come and see us.
Working for his company has allowed us to plan for a future that was previously out of our reach financially, but I lack the ability to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse he inflicted on me and my coworkers.
Working there has had a detrimental effect on my health. I don't want to go through that experience again just to satisfy his ego. My partner says he can handle anything for a few days. Am I wrong to disagree? — Hesitant in Arizona
To those of you who are hesitant: If your ex-boss asks to visit, politely decline. If he continues to ask to visit, then it's time to have an honest discussion with him. If (and if) he does, tell him that while he was nice to you personally, his verbal abuse and driving a colleague to suicide are the reasons you left the company, and therefore you don't want him to visit.
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Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 25 years, but over the past few years we have become politically polar opposites. We watch different news networks and media, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to have conversations with him that don't involve politics.
As a result, I avoid talking about anything with him which is putting a strain on our marriage. Also, I prefer to go alone to social events since he brings up his political opinions even in casual conversations with people he meets for the first time.
Do you have any advice on how to address this issue? I don't see the situation getting better regardless of the outcome of the election. — Opponent in Houston, Texas
For those opposed: Differences in beliefs about what is important can create an unbridgeable gap between couples and cause marriages to fall apart. In most marriages, some degree of compromise is possible. If you and your husband have a hard time compromising, marriage counseling may help you find a way to work through your political differences. If you can't, you and your husband will have to make a difficult decision.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
