It's a narrative essay based on a conversation with Helen Sula, travel blogger and author of Trevi Fountain at 2pm on a Tuesday: Exploring Unconventional Living Abroad.
It has been edited for length and clarity.
We met at a party when we were 17. We both went to Catholic schools – I went to an all-girls school and he went to an all-boys school.
The two schools were sister schools, so the students paired up together for dances and other events.
I still have the emails where we discussed our future lives: I always wanted to be married, have two kids, and live in a house with a white picket fence.
I remember thinking, “That's the American Dream, that's what I want.”
I discovered a new dream while traveling
Having children is one of the most amazing and selfless things you can do. All my best friends have kids, I love kids and I think they are beautiful and have amazing lives. Having children is something I have always wanted to do.
But as Michael and I began traveling and living a slightly different life, I realized that kids weren't necessarily my passion or what I wanted in life.
We dated for six years before getting married in 2011, the same year I started a travel blog called “Helene In Between.”
This gave my husband and I the freedom to move abroad, and we moved to Heidelberg, Germany in 2016.
Helen and her husband emigrated from Dallas to Germany and then to England. Helen Sula
By 2017 the blog had grown and I needed a lot of help. Michael had a job online but didn't really like it, so we started working together.
It took us a while to find what worked, but our relationship has always come first: I handle a lot of the content creation and he handles the travel planning and business side of things.
Our flexible schedules have allowed us to see more of the world.
After three years in Germany we moved back to the US, bought a camper van, and after four years of traveling around the US we moved to Oxford, England.
Moving abroad made me realise I don't want kids
I was in my late 20s when we first moved abroad and I always assumed at the time that I would have children one day, but not until later.
I never had that strong desire, nor did I have the maternal genes, but I eventually made friends with other childfree people and realised there were other options, and just because other people were doing it didn't mean I had to.
I took a step back and asked myself, “Wait a second, do I really want this? Do I want kids?”
You should choose something that you really want to do because it is very selfless and very difficult, it requires a lot of work and effort.
I think that's really miraculous and beautiful, but so are some of the things I want to do, some of my aspirations, and they're worthy.
That doesn't mean I'm bad or weird, it just means I might want something a little different.
That doesn't mean you have to cut off all your old friendships, though — I'm still close with all of my friends who have kids.
People always wonder: “Well, that's OK, but will it be OK when I get older?”
That's not the right question to ask, and we shouldn't rely on our children to take care of us when they might not be.
So, I'm trying to get my life back on track and save for retirement.
I'm really happy and excited about the path I'm on, and it doesn't involve kids, and that's OK.
