We often think of scammers as people on the other side of the world, manipulating and exploiting their victims through words on a computer screen or affectionate messages over the phone. But love scams can also take place in person, with the scammer sleeping in bed next to you.
This is the situation Australian author Stephanie Wood finds herself in. It's also the basis for the new TV series Fake, currently airing on Paramount+. A dramatization of Wood's powerful memoir of the same name, the series explores the many lies and betrayals that occur in intimate relationships.
It's a brutal insight into the world of deception that characterizes romance scams.
When love hurts
Romance scams are exactly what they sound like: criminals pretend to be in a romantic relationship in exchange for financial reward. In most cases, the criminals get money directly from the victim, but they can also use personal credentials to commit identity fraud.
From the outside, it's hard to understand why romance scams are so effective, but research has uncovered a wide variety of grooming techniques, social engineering tactics, and psychological abuse methods used by criminals who know exactly what to do and say to gain their victim's consent.
ACCC Fraud Watch
Criminals prey on people's weaknesses and work hard to build strong, trusting relationships. A bond is formed through constant phone calls, texts and emails. This is followed by the inevitable “crisis” when the criminal urgently needs money for a health emergency, a criminal justice situation, a business need or even a cryptocurrency investment opportunity.
For many, this can lead to ongoing payments and significant losses. It's been reported that Australians lost more than AUD 200 million to these types of scams in 2023, but this is likely a significant underestimate of the true figure. It also doesn't take into account many non-monetary damages, such as a decline in physical and emotional health.
By the time the relationship finally ends, it's too late: the money is gone, the extent of the deception is revealed, and recovering from the heartache and loss becomes a constant battle.
It is well known that there is a “double whammy” of damage, with individuals having to grieve both relational and financial losses.
Seeing is believing
There are countless romance scams out there, where the perpetrator and victim never meet, and the entire fraud takes place online. However, it's important to know that scammers also commit fraud in face-to-face encounters.
Wood's memoir details the extraordinary level of lies and dishonesty directed at her throughout their relationship — a story that was the basis for later fabrications, a story that was deliberate and calculated to gain her trust, and a story that was later used against her.
In the real world, the motives of fraudsters are not always simple. It's often, but not always, financially motivated. For Wood, not being asked for money allayed any potential suspicions, but it didn't lessen the sense of loss or trauma when the extent of the lie was discovered.
Wood is not the only one to have experienced this: marketing executive Tracy Hall endured a similarly sophisticated and thorough level of deception in her relationship with convicted fraudster Hamish McLaren, known to her as Max Tabita.
In his book, The Last Victim, Hall recounts snippets of their daily lives over a 16-month period. McLaren portrayed himself as a successful professional in finance; his mail was addressed to Max Tabita and his phone conversations were with a real person. But his identity, and the world he represented to Hall, was a complete fabrication.
The experiences of Wood and Hall highlight the depth of deception that can take place within intimate relationships and, importantly, that romance fraud is not exclusive to the online environment.
How to prevent romance scams?
There is an overwhelming sense of shame and stigma surrounding romance fraud. The dynamics of these deceptive relationships are misunderstood, and negative stereotypes and victim-blaming are rampant, even among friends and family.
In hindsight, the warning signs may seem obvious, but scammers tend to be adept at hiding these signs in real time, deploying deliberate tactics to dispel suspicion.
We all need to create a culture where victims feel empowered to come forward and raise awareness – not to incite fear or anxiety, but to normalize the threat that fraud poses and allow for difficult conversations when it occurs. Victims' continued silence only gives criminals an advantage.
How to protect yourself from romance scams
It's inevitable that you'll keep swiping right in your quest to find love, but be sure to maintain a healthy level of skepticism and have an open dialogue with family and friends as you seek out new relationships.
Don't be afraid to do your own research about the people, places, and situations that are presented to you in relationships. There's a memorable scene in Fake where the protagonist denies a friend's offer of help, saying, “This is a love story, not an investigation.” Unfortunately, sometimes research is necessary.
Whatever the situation or person, think carefully before sending money. Only give an amount you can afford to lose.
Deception comes in many forms. We must recognize the nature of deception and the impact it has on its victims. But we must not succumb to lies and allow them to define our identity or dictate whether we can be trusted.
If you or someone you know has fallen victim to a romance scam, you can report it to ReportCyber, contact iDcare for support, or consult Scamwatch for prevention advice.
