With Paris closed for the holidays this season due to the Olympics, what could be more fun for a train enthusiast like me than touring the rest of the continent aboard one of Europe's reliable high-speed trains?
But instead of enjoying a spontaneous, carefree trip, I’m getting an education.
After all, high-speed rail “works” in Europe in part because its passengers are willing to tolerate inconvenience and uncertainty that Americans would never tolerate.
Germany's Deutsche Bahn ICE (Intercity Express) trains seem to be a great place to start. Germany has several cities just a few hours away from each other, and also a short journey from other European capitals.
And shouldn't the Germans apply their world-famous precision to the world's largest railway, Deutsche Bahn?
The German system, which has been in operation for more than 30 years, competes with France's high-speed rail for global status among rail enthusiasts.
My first ICE trip, a two-hour journey from Brussels to Cologne, was reasonably smooth but not without ominous warning signs: the train departed ten minutes late and arrived a few minutes late, with no explanation given.
This is quite different from the Japanese railway company that apologised a few years ago for a train departing a few seconds early.
But the four-hour journey from Cologne to Hamburg turned into a disaster.
When we arrived at the station and checked the departure board, our train was nowhere to be seen.
Finally, a pop-up appears, saying the departure is delayed by 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes.
I was happy to pay the extra $60 or so for the first class carriage to have a short break in the DB lounge.
(This is the only benefit you get in first class, besides not sitting on top of a stranger).
However, this is not the case, the lounge is “under repair” and a temporary lounge will be set up in another building, a 10 minute walk from the station.
Unlike NYC's Penn Station, DB doesn't provide seating in the waiting room for passengers who haven't wisely paid for the closed lounge, so you have no choice but to stand in the heat and noise.
We are finally leaving.
However, the onboard screens showed the train would be 20 minutes late, with no response from train staff.
Then 30.
Then 40.
Then an hour and five minutes.
Two hours later.
Nearly two and a half hours later.
A four hour trip turned into almost a seven hour journey.
The ship's cafe manager said all we would receive in return was free water.
It's a box of warm water, not a cold soda that costs $4.
To make matters worse, the train quietly begins to have a mind of its own.
Because you skip a vital stop, you will miss your connecting flight to Berlin.
Suburban stops will be added and delays will occur.
The trip will end just before the final scheduled stop, forcing people heading there to find another mode of transportation.
The strangest thing is that no one on board questions this.
If Amtrak's four-hour Acela train from New York to Boston was delayed by nearly three hours — and I've never experienced that in decades of riding the Acela regularly — passengers would demand an explanation.
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Why is the train late?
Damaged tracks, driver shortages, weather, passenger illness… give us a reason.
However, the weather has been perfect the past few days and no single reason has been given.
People accept these delays and detours as normal.
But a delayed and rerouted train is better than no train.
One of the joys of a rail holiday is that there's no planning involved: once you've seen enough of one city, you book your ticket to the next one.
No, all trains from Hamburg to Copenhagen, Denmark for three consecutive days are booked.
Various legs of our journey also show that efficient, cheap rail travel requires cramming people into spaces that are cramped and uncomfortable, something that is uncommon in the country.
The Eurostar journey from London to Brussels crammes ticketed passengers into a stuffy waiting room where there aren't enough seats (or at least there are).
The hour-long commuter train journey from Brussels to the medieval Belgian city of Bruges involves mostly standing in the heat and no ventilation.
Passengers open their windows to allow ventilation, and the noise is deafening.
The situation is also not better in Italy, with holidaymakers complaining of long delays and congestion, European newspapers reported.
Of course, long-distance railroads play an important role in transportation systems in both Europe and the United States: Acela service, for example, has improved transportation on the East Coast.
But high-speed rail will never be able to match the car in terms of flexibility and cost for medium-distance travel, nor the plane in terms of speed and cost for long-distance travel.
If you're healthy, not elderly, and don't have children to look after, taking the train can be a fun adventure.
But it's easy to see why most Europeans travel by plane (54%) and car (28%) for their summer trips, with only 10% choosing to travel by rail.
Unless two seats become available soon on the train from Hamburg to Copenhagen, I will board too.
Nicole Gelinas is a contributing editor for the Manhattan Institute's City Journal.
