Prepare yourself: there are budgerigars to smuggle.
As I learned the hard way, Europeans like to think of themselves as sophisticated.
A few hundred years ago, Enlightenment thinkers wrote a few books that now say things like, “You can't wipe your mouth with your hands” and “You can't wear swimsuits on the beach, you filthy prisoners!”
rude.
Anyway.
I am here to argue that the Dark Ages never left Europe.
Australia has perfected beachwear, mainly due to the invention of board shorts, but there's a strange contradiction in that Europe has a culture that is perfectly happy to expose parts of the body on the sand, yet seems extremely uncomfortable showing skin off anywhere but the beach.
And that's before we get into the scourge of European men's swimwear.
Many cities, including Sicily, Sorrento and Barcelona, have now introduced similar “cover-up” rules. anuky_ani/Instagram
Unlike Australia, where perfect balance is maintained, in many parts of Europe you may be sunbathing naked on the beach without a second thought, but if you step onto the promenade to get an ice cream or sit at a beachside cafe in your bikini (or board shorts with no t-shirt) you suddenly become (or so we're led to believe) a public menace.
Old World towns across Europe are reportedly outraged that tourists are breaking unspoken dress codes when visiting their beaches.
In fact, in many places, that is no longer implicit.
A few years ago, Sorrento's mayor, Massimo Coppola, introduced a 500 euro ($800 Australian) fine for anyone walking around naked, which he said led to “rampant bad behaviour” and tarnished the city's reputation.
A number of cities, including Sicily, Sorrento and Barcelona, have now introduced similar “concealment” rules.
The phenomenon has even spread to Croatia, where participants in Sail Croatia heading to Dubrovnik were recently warned that they too could be fined if they did not wear the proper clothing.
Tourist Isabella Lakin recently took to TikTok to issue a warning to fellow global travelers: “When you leave the beach, don't wear anything over your bikini top. You will get caught. We don't want tourists doing that.”
Tourist Isabella Lakinn recently took to TikTok to warn other travelers: “When you leave the beach, don't wear a bikini top over your clothes. You will get caught. I don't want tourists to do that.” isabellelakinn/TikTok
“If you're going to Sail Croatia and you think you can just walk through town in a bikini top, I don't recommend it. I know some people who got into some pretty awful experiences last year… and most of them were Sail Croatia participants who forgot about the rules.”
I am generally in favor of adapting to the environment, but I am skeptical of these prohibitions.
why?
Although I was once politely asked by a security guard to leave a supermarket in France (in the seaside town of Hossegor) for walking around barefoot, in almost three years of living in Spain I have never felt criticised for walking off the beach shirtless (people are generally shocked by my bare feet).
I have also never seen anyone complain about tourists wearing bikinis on the street or urinating in the ocean.
It seems to me that European politicians in overcrowded hotspots are trying to shift the blame for their own poor governance onto tourists, and redirect local frustrations elsewhere that should be directed at them.
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I think what's really hurting the reputations of these cities and towns (especially big ones like Barcelona) isn't tourists trundling across the square in their swimsuits back to their hotels, but the McDonald's around the corner, the Starbucks down the road, the nightclubs at their feet, and rent prices that are increasingly unaffordable for residents.
When we get to the point where we have to crack down on even the most trivial behaviour – banning thongs, as Cinque Terre has done, or banning tube tops and football shirts, as a group of restaurants in Mallorca has done, or even urinating in the sea, as has happened on the Costa del Sol – you can't help but wonder whether there is a deeper problem lurking, and whether the authorities are simply trying to shift the blame for their own poor tourism management onto the backlash that Europe is trying to take as it tries to distance itself from tourists.
Rather than fining hungover Kon-Tiki backpackers for leaving their shawls on the beach, why not focus on solving problems that actually affect residents?
That way, these little annoyances won't bother you so much.
The skimpy-clad tourists are the last straw, and the sheer number of them (and the attendant changes to the town's social structure) weighs on the hay bales.
Regarding clothing, I think a few sideways glances from locals is the best deterrent to inappropriate attire. Banning something in writing usually makes most people want to do it even more. Let the shaming take its natural course and don't give tourists a reason to rebel.
Love from annoying tourists…
This article originally appeared on Escape and is republished with permission.
