You've probably heard that cultivating gratitude can increase happiness. But in marriage and family, it's important not only to feel more grateful to your loved ones, but also to feel appreciated by them. Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign previously investigated the positive impact that gratitude from partners can have on the quality of couples' relationships. New research shows that gratitude can also impact parent-child relationships and promote individual mental health.
My research has looked at gratitude in relationships, particularly between couples, and found that it is a factor that significantly influences many aspects of a relationship. People who feel more appreciated by their partners tend to be more confident, satisfied, committed, and less worried about insecurity.
Allen Barton, lead author, assistant professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies in the College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences at the University of Illinois and Illinois Extension specialist
“In this study, we wanted to explore perceptions of gratitude in the broader family context and whether this makes a difference to individual and relationship well-being, and parenting outcomes.”
The study included data from a national sample of 593 parents who were married or in a romantic relationship and had at least one child between the ages of 4 and 17. Participants answered questions about feelings of gratitude from their spouse/partner and children, as well as items assessing psychological distress, parenting stress, and relationship satisfaction.
The researchers split the children into two age groups, ages 4 to 12 and 13 to 18, to account for developmental differences. Teens may be more aware of what's going on in their families and what their parents do for their well-being, Barton said. He noted that young children can also express gratitude, although they may express it differently.
Burton and co-author Qiujie Gong, who was a doctoral student at HDFS at the time the study was conducted, found that perceiving gratitude from a romantic partner improved couple outcomes but had no effect on levels of parenting stress. In contrast, perceiving gratitude from both older and younger children reduced parenting stress but had no effect on couple relationship satisfaction. In addition to affecting family outcomes, they also found that gratitude from romantic partners and older children (but not younger children) was positively correlated with individuals' psychological well-being.
Women also received less gratitude from romantic partners and older children than men. Moreover, higher levels of gratitude from children only had a beneficial effect on women. This is consistent with past research showing that women's contributions to the family are less recognized by men, Barton said.
“No relationship is 50/50 and parents end up doing more than their children, but our findings nonetheless highlight the importance of individuals' efforts on their family being recognised and appreciated by other family members. And conversely, there is clear evidence that not feeling appreciated by the family members they are trying to help leads to poorer outcomes for the family,” he noted.
Burton said parents can foster gratitude throughout their families.
“As spouses or partners, we can express and show gratitude to each other, and we can teach our children to express gratitude in ways that are developmentally appropriate. When you see your partner doing something really helpful for your children, remind them to say, 'Thank you, Mom' or 'Thank you, Dad.' We can develop ongoing patterns of thinking and interaction that promote gratitude – both giving and receiving – in our homes,” she said.
The researchers found no differences in socio-demographic predictors of gratitude across different family relationships, suggesting that gratitude appears at similar levels across a wide range of family configurations.
“As someone who studies family-based prevention programs, I'm always trying to find research-based ways to build strong families, and expressing gratitude appears to be one of the key ways to do that,” Burton said.
“For any family, it takes a lot of effort to build a family – parenting, marriage, and the marital relationship. And when those efforts are not recognized or are undervalued, it has negative effects on individuals and families. We know the power of 'thank you' for couples, and this study shows it's also important for parent-child relationships.”
sauce:
University of Illinois College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences
Journal References:
Barton, AW, & Gong, Q. (2024) “Thank you” really feels good: Recognizing gratitude in family relationships. Journal of Positive Psychology. doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2024.2365472.
