Dear Abby: I am dating a man named “Barry” who used to work with my brother. They got into an argument at work and Barry was fired for misconduct. My brother “Rob” is upset that I am still seeing him. Barry has contacted Rob to apologize and ask if they can move on. My brother has forgiven Barry but chooses not to be in contact with him and wants to control the narrative.
Is it wrong to continue a relationship against my brother? I was previously in an abusive relationship where Rob didn't care, but when it comes to him he lets me know he's “disappointed” in me or worried about my well-being. I have boundaries with both of us, but the argument was between them, not me. — Torn in South Dakota
Dear Tone: The argument between your brother and Barry must have been so tough that Barry lost his job. You say you've been in “abusive relationships in the past,” which makes your choice of men a bit biased. Barry may have anger management issues that need to be addressed.
Like it or not, your brother is right that Barry could be dangerous. An argument may have happened between them, but there's no way to prevent your boyfriend's violent anger from exploding on you. A relationship with Barry could be dangerous to your health. That's why I strongly encourage you to break up and find someone more stable.
Dear Abby: I have a loving relationship with my wife, who is 10 years older than me. Last year, we discussed her retiring from work. She is 63 and has worked her whole life. We were not 100% prepared financially for this transition, but I am happy to see her happy, spending time with our grandchildren and doing other things.
The problem is that she gets bored sometimes. When she does, she spends money and plans things that I don't like, like going camping. I still work full time and spend my weekends relaxing at home. I think it would be good for her to get a part time job. I've suggested this, but she gets hostile and asks if I think she's wasting her time. It makes for an awkward conversation.
Any advice on what I can say to her to keep her busy with something else and make her realize she can contribute financially? — Trying to catch up in Arizona
To Mr. Trying: Tell your wife that you're glad she's enjoying retirement, but that you're still working full-time. And remember that you weren't financially prepared when she decided to retire. Explain that for now, your weekends are just for her to rest, not to go camping, which she hates the most. Also, tell her that you know she enjoys shopping, and that a part-time job would give her more money to spend on shopping. I don't think any of these statements are incendiary.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
