Dear Abby: My young adult daughter came out as transgender a few months ago. My husband and I, as well as her siblings, support her and love her unconditionally.
She recently decided to break the news to her grandparents, sending them a heartfelt email with some resources for grandparents, one of whom was fully supportive, immediately began using the correct name and pronouns, began researching, and continues to treat her as the wonderful young person she is.
The other grandparents sent me an email saying, “We love you because you're family, but we don't really support you.” We haven't been in contact since. My child is very disappointed and I'm heartbroken for her. I know she (and we) may lose friends and family over this, but I think we've always hoped that a grandparent's love is unconditional. Do you have any advice for her and for us to continue to support her? — Unconditionally in Oregon
Dear Unconditional: Your daughter is fortunate to have loving, supportive parents, siblings, and grandparents who can (and will) accept her as she is. She needs to be prepared for the fact that not everyone will do that.
These grandparents seem not to be very open to learning or accepting. Your daughter should continue on her own path and not let her grandparents' judgment dictate her. She will be much happier if she does.
Dear Abby: Last year my husband and I moved to the hometown I left 40 years ago. We are happy with our choice to move back home. The problem is a friend from grade school named “Shirley.” Shirley has always been a straight-A student, but lately she has started taking credit for the positive decisions in our lives.
At a dinner party I hosted to thank neighbors and childhood friends for their support in my move, Shirley dominated the conversation with her role. When I reunite with former classmates, if I'm around she'll talk about herself or make passive-aggressive comments to belittle me.
Shirley has had a hard life and I thought she just wanted to win. But now she is doing this to my husband and it's crossed the line. She didn't do this when we lived out of state. What can I do to bring our friendship back to a more equal relationship? — Reaching the Limit in Ohio
Dear Leeching: Please read your letter again. The person you wrote to is not a “friend.” She is an insecure, jealous person whom you happen to have known for a long time. She needs to be the center of attention, no matter what you think. Do not delude yourself into thinking you can turn someone like this into a friend. The less you see Shirley, the better for you and your husband.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
