American parents are stressed, and Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy says it's time to do something about it: Nearly half of parents feel overwhelming stress every day, compared to just 25% of non-parents, according to a recent survey by the American Psychological Association (APA).
In response to the crisis, Murthy issued new recommendations drawing attention to the enormous pressure parents are facing.
“What we have to realize as a country is that the work of parenting is really important to the well-being of children and to society as a whole,” Murthy said. “So the well-being of parents is really important to society.”
He said the recommendation follows on from previous ones about the harmful effects of social media on young people's mental health and the worsening mental health problems among young people (reflected in rising teen depression and suicide rates). Parental stress can also have a negative impact on their children's health, he said.
Raising a child is a difficult time
In his recommendations, Mursi outlines longstanding pressures parents face, such as financial worries about providing for their families, as well as new pressures, such as the influence of social media. In 2023, 66% of parents said they were “preoccupied with money worries,” compared with 39% of non-parent adults, according to an APA survey. In 2022, a Pew Research Center survey revealed that a quarter of parents said they had not been able to provide enough food for their family or pay their rent or mortgage in the past year. Contributing to these challenges is the fact that child care costs have risen 26% over the past decade, according to the White House.
The rise in school violence and bullying, especially online, has also increased parents' concerns about their children's safety and well-being.
The recommendations point out that the impact of technology goes beyond the impact of social media on children's mental health. Virtual options mean many parents work longer and more varied hours, which increases the need for primary child care. Murthy notes that mothers spend 40% more time on child care now than they did in 1985, and fathers spend 154% more time on child care than before (though mothers still spend much more time on child care than fathers).
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Social media exacerbates age-old insecurities that all parents have: how we compare to our parents, our peers, and other families in our social circles. The transparency that social media allows is both a blessing and a curse, says Murthy. While it can be comforting and supportive to parents struggling with similar issues, it can also paint an idealized picture that parents struggle to achieve. “Thanks to technology and social media, we can now compare ourselves not just to a few parents around us, but to thousands of others, all of whom make us feel even more insecure about the way we're parenting,” Murthy says. “And that adds to the shame and guilt parents feel about the challenges they're going through.”
These pressures are also contributing to higher rates of loneliness among parents: A 2021 Cigna survey found that 65% of parents and 77% of single parents said they felt lonely, compared to 55% of non-parents. Isolation and loneliness can exacerbate the pressure parents feel. “Social connections act as a buffer against stress,” Murthy says. “And when people feel lonely, even everyday stressors can feel unmanageable.”
Murthy believes the current state of stress for American parents is the result of a combination of cultural, social, technological, and political failings that undermine parenting and the role of parents in healthy communities. “It's our responsibility as a society to not only recognize the importance of parenting, but to prioritize parental support,” Murthy says. “And we need to emphasize the urgency of making that happen. This can't wait five years. Parents are struggling right now.”
How to reduce the burden
To better address the needs of parents, Mursi recommends a series of steps that state and local governments, as well as individuals, can take. This starts with policies that provide paid family and sick leave so parents can take the time they need to care for their families and themselves, and makes child care and health care more accessible and affordable. Congress also has a role to play in making social media safer and addressing gun violence, Mursi says. These two areas are a major source of stress and anxiety for parents. Ensuring that workplaces and schools provide adequate mental health support is also essential to alleviate the burden felt by parents, who may feel ill-equipped to deal with the emotional and psychological challenges they and their children may be experiencing.
Employers can also provide more support for parents with more flexible work schedules that can accommodate unexpected child care needs and stronger mental health services for employees who struggle to balance child care and work. Outside of the workplace, communities can make neighborhoods more supportive and inclusive for families by providing social services like playgrounds, libraries, and other spaces where parents can bring their kids and form important connections with other parents. “The truth is that parenting is a team sport at its best. For thousands of years, people have been raising children together,” says Murthy. “The idea that parenting is the job of only one or two people doesn't actually reflect how humanity has lived for most of our history. Raising children requires the support of family and friends, and an infrastructure in society that recognizes how important parenting is.”
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The U.S. has made progress in recent years by investing in ways to increase access to early childhood education and provide robust mental health services, including the launch of 988. But Murthy says there's “still a lot of work to be done to make parenting more sustainable.” He hopes the recommendations will encourage policymakers, employers and other stakeholders to become more aware of the pressures parents now face and start taking steps to address the issue. “Childcare is an essential job,” Murthy says. “There are multiple steps we need to take to help parents.”
This includes inspiring individuals as well as government and corporate leaders. Murthy still remembers the first time she was alone with her young son eight years ago when a friend stopped by. “She picked up my son and played with him for 15 minutes,” he says. “I remember feeling a sense of relief and comfort, knowing that I wasn't alone, that there were people who supported me.” Though it was a brief visit nearly a decade ago, “it was a game changer for me. We often underestimate how much we contribute to the lives of others… We don't need to wait for laws to be passed to support parents around us,” he says.
